Last Thursday I treated my good friend Shaz Nawaz to a day out at Trent Bridge, Nottingham, to watch England play the West Indies at cricket in a one-day international. I had booked the corporate hospitality package and we were both really looking forward to the day. In the event, there were only two overs bowled, and we spent the day talking about our shared interests of cricket, public speaking and politics. We had a quite excellent meal, and I drank one of the best red wines I had tasted in a long time. It was this one, in case you’re interested!

Shaz and I both agreed at the end of the day that we had experienced an overwhelmingly positive day. I took my leave of him to go and see my partner in Birmingham as we were off to the South of France for a short break the next day, and Shaz drove back to be with his family in Peterborough. Not once did either of us utter a word of complaint about the fact that we hadn’t seen any cricket.

A few days later, after a lovely few days in Nice with my partner, I had a message from a close relative. Her psychologist thinks she may have bipolar disorder. I thought very carefully before I replied to her message, because I wanted to strike the right balance between sympathy and positivity. Here’s what I wrote: ‘Very sorry to hear this. You have to think as positively as you can though. Many people live full and active lives with bipolar disorder. Stephen Fry is one of them. Also your Uncle F has a good job and an active life’.

The reply came: ‘Thanks for being positive. Some people are saying ‘you poor thing, you must be so low’. In my mind it’s a positive step because now I know what’s wrong with me I can move forward’.

And isn’t that what it’s all about dear reader? Moving forward. Because standing still or going backwards is never an option. I remember seeing a speaker once who told his audience that we are either growing or dying, there is nothing in between.

What positives can you take from your day?

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My client told me that the responsibility of a natural parent is to provide 30% of their child’s parenting, or to be a ‘Good Enough Parent’ 30% of the time. The other 70% of our parenting, according to this theory, is done by others. Teachers, neighbours, friends. relations, etc.

That set me off thinking. Who do I have ‘parent/child’ relationships with, although I have no natural children myself. I have four nieces (well, a lot more than that, actually, but four that I have contact with), ranging in age from 24 to 7. I make sure that I am in regular contact with all of them and try to help them to have enjoyable experiences in life rather than buying them the latest ‘things’. The two youngest have recently been to their first proper concert, and the 18 year old had a contribution to her holiday this year. I try to advise the 24 year old.

I started thinking about my own parenting. I was certainly influenced by those outside my immediate family, although in my case the majority of the people I came into contact with were part of the church my family go to. Thankfully, I went to a normal school and was able to see what a normal life looked like to some extent. That probably helped me in my decision to leave home and seek my own way in the world at the age of 17.

I have the opportunity to influence a lot more people nowadays, through my work as a speaker and trainer. I spent two days last week with my client, helping her to gain confidence in her public speaking skills and supporting her with writing a presentation. At the end of the two days, I thought she was going to hug me! ‘

‘Thank you for being part of my 70%, Graham’ she said.

Then I got it. Being a ‘Good Enough Parent’ doesn’t stop with children. We are all responsible for each other! Isn’t that a grand idea? Whose 70% are you in? Who is in your 70%?

I’d love to be in your 70% too. Comment on this post and I will be! Let’s find out how we can help each other.

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I started off thinking about role models from the world of sport. I wonder who comes to mind for you? I’m a bit of a Spurs fan, and I think Harry Kane, the Tottenham striker, would be a great role model for young people because he doesn’t just do it for the money (he could earn a lot more with a different club) and I have never seen any scandalous stories about him. I would be hard pressed to find another current Premier League footballer that fits the bill. I wonder if you know of anyone?

One of my favourite sports is tennis, and I would cite Roger Federer as a great example of the way to be as a champion sports person. In the women’s game, I always saw Steffi Graf as a great role model, someone with style, grace and impeccable behaviour.

Then my mind turned to role models from the world of politics. I wonder how many of you watch or listen to ‘Prime Minister’s Questions’ when the British Parliament is in session. Perhaps you have something similar in your country. What do you think of the behaviour in general of people in public life? Would you want your children and students to behave in the way that many Members of Parliament behave in their workplace?

In the end, we only have control over our own behaviour, but how many of us are, knowingly or unknowingly, an influence on others? I take my relationships with young people in my life very seriously. I have a responsibility to help them to become the best that they can be, while remaining their own person. A few years ago, my young niece asked me the golden question

‘Uncle Graham, what do you think about God?’

I thought very carefully for a few moments. I was honest with her. I told her that I had believed in God at one point in my life, because I was brought up to do so. Then I had rebelled, at the age of 17, and decided that I was an atheist. Nowadays I am not so sure. I don’t think there’s a God, but there could be.

‘What should I do, then, Uncle Graham?’ came the next question.

‘I think you should go and talk to some Christians, Muslims, Buddhists and any other religion that you can find out there. Then make up your own mind, and be prepared to change it as you go through life. And remember, whatever you decide, I will still love you’.

I see my role in life as helping people to be themselves, and to be comfortable with that changing person as they go through their lives. I have become more comfortable with who I am as I have grown older, and I can only suggest that might be the way to go.

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Christopher Garnett was the only real ‘servant leader’ I have ever come across. The famous quote ‘The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality, and the last is to say ‘thank you’ – in between, the leader becomes a servant’ could have been written to describe him. With Christopher at the helm, everyone knew what was expected. We were there to create the ultimate travel experience, and everything we did was about that, or we questioned why we were doing it. Simple but effective.

From Day One, he was visible. He seemed to know every one of the company’s nearly 3,000 employees personally. I certainly felt as if I had a ‘personal’ relationship with this smart, sophisticated, well-spoken yet down-to -earth man who had higher expectations of himself than he had of anyone else.

The story went around that soon after he took on the job of CEO, he had asked if there was an office available for him at King’s Cross. He lived in London, and head office was in York, so he wanted to spend one or two days a week in a London office.

‘We have been expecting this, Mr Garnett’ came the reply from a former Brtitish Rail manager, who was used to bowing down to the elite BR senior managers. ‘We have prepared an office for you’. This office was massive, with an ornate fireplace, special wallpaper and a large and imposing desk.

The story goes that Christopher (he didn’t like anyone calling him Mr Garnett or Chris) took one look at this office and said ‘You had better give this to someone much more important than me’.

He would collect rubbish on trains, never lost his smile and always had a kind word for every member of the tem that he came across. If things weren’t going well he would listen and try to change the way things were done. The customers came first, and the people who served the customers were a very close second.

Christopher Garnett asked me to apply for a job in training and development. I was successful, and that changed my life. He gave opportunities to many, supported and developed people, while not being afraid to have difficult conversations when they were necessary.

If I have ever been anything of a leader, in any area of my life, I learned the way to do it from Christopher Garnett, Jimmy Stevenson and John Davoren.

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When I work on the railway in 1979, I didn’t expect to find inspiration there. I applied for the job because my girlfriend wanted me to have a job ‘with prospects’. Little did I know that two of the people I would work with there would become my greatest positive role models. The first was Jimmy, a Chief Steward I worked with in the mid 1980s.

I was on standby one morning at King’s Cross. Jimmy came and asked me if I wanted a day’s work, and I went and worked with him and a team on a train to Leeds and back. I was immmediately impressed by how friendly everyone was and how everyone was working together as a team. It didn’t take me long to realise that Jimmy was at the heart of this. He was an energising force, always busy himself, leading by example. Although he was the team leader, no job was beneath him. I remember thinking at the end of that shift ‘That was the most enjoyable day I have had on the railway so far’.

A few days later Jimmy asked me if I would like to go and work on his team full time. I accepted immediately, and spent a very enjoyable year or so working on Jimmy’s team. It really was a pleasure to go to work. he always had a smile on his face, was professional (quite unusual on British Rail in those days) and fair. On the one occasion that I disappointed him and he had to speak to me about a misdemeanour, it was all over in five minutes, and we went for a pint after work as we usually did. My transgression was never mentioned again.

Jimmy trusted me to do my job, respected my opinion and helped me to grow and develop by suggesting that I cover his annual leave. That put me on the path to being a Chief Steward myself by the late 1980s.

Needless to say, when I was promoted, I used all the skills I had learned from Jimmy and managed to run a successful and happy team myself. Who are your positive role models and what did you learn from them?

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It was a year or so after i started my new life that I met John Davoren. i had been indulging in petty crime, having fallen in with bad company. After a few arrests, and a couple of stays in a remand centre, I had decided that I hadn’t left my entire family behind in a cult to end up as a criminal. I left the bedsit I shared with my negative role model and fellow petty criminal, and walked the streets of London for a few hours with my meagre belongings packed into a holdall. I slept on Victoria station that night, my one and only brush with homelessness, The next morning, I decided to walk around the pubs in the vicinity of Victoria station to see if there were any bar jobs available. The first pub I went into, the manager looked me up and down and said ‘We don’t have anything available’. Remember, I had been sleeping rough and I must have looked somewhat dishevelled. In the second pub, the response was more encouraging. The landlord sent me to his friend’s pub a few hundred yards away. It was there that I met John Davoren for the first time. He took one look at me and offered me a job and a place to live.

Not only did John, and his wife Pauline, take me in off the street, but months later, when the police caught up with me for some of my previous misdemeanours, and I was sent to Borstal, they kept my job open for me until I was able to return over a year later. John was also the first employer ever to praise me for my work. I learned so much from him, although I didn’t appreciate it at the time, looking back over my life, John was my first positive role model and therefore the first real inspiration in my life. RIP John Davoren 1936-2008.

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In 1979, when I was 23, I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. I had been to the doctor’s twice, and the doctor had sent me away with medication. Eventually, my girlfriend insisted that we were going to the hospital to see what was wrong with me.

i will never forget the moment I was told that I had cancer. There were several doctors gathered around me, and one of them asked if I had anyone with me. I said my girlfriend was in the waiting room, the woman with bubbly blonde hair and jeans. After a few minutes, one of the nurses came back in to the room with my girlfriend. She is called Anne in my book, ‘Growing Forward’

Anne had a very worried look on her face and I began to fear the worst. I didn’t know you could have testicular cancer , so when the doctor told me that I had ‘a tumour’ and that I would need an operation, I was stunned. And then I saw the future, like a light at the end of a tunnel, and I knew this wasn’t going to beat me. In amongst the dread and fear of the unknown, I felt a certainty that everything was going to turn out well in the end, and that proved to be the case.

Many years later, I was told, by a manager at the company where I had worked for 24 years, that I was not part of her vision for taking the company forward. A few weeks later, I accepted voluntary redundancy from a job that I had mostly loved. After a few days, I realised that there was a way forward. There always is. Nearly 14 years after that devastating assessment of my skills and ability, I have found new ways forward.

I encourage you to find your way forward. I’d love to help too. Contact me on 07766 916317 or at graham@grahamfrost.com

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Recently, I decided to up my game. I have a message that can help other people to move forward with their lives, and I need to be getting that message out there. One way of achieving that is through speaking to groups of people, and one way is through writing regular posts here about what I am up to and what I am thinking about.

So, over the next few weeks, you will see some of my thoughts and feelings appearing in print again. Not just on LinkedIn, where I have been writing quite regular posts, but also here. I hope you’ll join me now and then, and we can help and support each other. Until next time!

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 Working In Customer Service Changed My Perspective

When you go into certain stores, you expect certain things. A favorite retail store might be expected to deliver impeccable service (why else would you love them). A cable provider you might routinely do battle with might come with the expectation of frustration (because cable providers). Thanks to confirmation bias, you’re probably right in your expectations more often than not.

What if you had a job that totally changed how you view customer service? What if the assumptions you make about service every day suddenly got flipped on their head and every interaction brought a flood of information surging into your mind as you analyzed what just happened?

I love my job. I am lucky enough to spend all day trying to improve customer service. I get to talk about, read about, write about, and generally immerse myself in customer service. I work with an incredible team, in an incredible city, on a project I am genuinely excited about. I could not be luckier.

The most interesting thing about my job at Help.com has been how my expectations of customer service have changed completely. Here are the five ways that customer service has changed for me since I started doing it as my job.

    1.        I notice subtle service.

Example: My apartment doesn’t do anything crazy, but they’re consistent, considerate, and friendly. I appreciate that more than I ever would have before.

    2.        Companies that apologize make me really happy.

Example: Historically companies apologized for mistakes and it didn’t move the needle. Now companies that care enough to make it right make me feel warm and fuzzy. Favor, in Austin, is great about this and as a result they get my business daily.

    3.        I gravitate heavily towards positivity.

I love positive stories, good best practices, and companies that do it well. I’ve learned that it’s easy to get pageviews with negativity, but that doesn’t help people learn, so I’ve found myself intentionally shutting out negative articles in favor of uplifting ones.

    4.        My spending habits have changed.

Like most people,  I’ve always preferred great service. Previously, it wasn’t necessary to win my business. Now I find myself seeking out companies that have great reputations to ensure that I’m getting the best service possible.

    5.        I’m happier.

Turns out great customer service happens a lot more than I realized. It’s easy to read all of the news and think otherwise, but becoming aware of it made me realize that there are a lot of really great, caring people around at all times.

Great customer service is more present than we think. It took working in customer service to make me realize that. Now I’m aware that anyone can become more conscious of it if they look for it. Tune out the news, and look at the little things people do to show they care. It might make your day.

Graham Moreno works in Business Operations and runs the blog at help.com, a software company where they are rethinking customer service. You can read his other work at blog.help.com.

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Here I am speaking at the Russia Customer Management Summit in June 2014, just to prove that I did get there eventually!

I am returning to blogging after an absence of several months, buoyed by my inclusion in GetApp’s 15 most influential customer service experts to follow on Twitter. I am quite amazed and very grateful that what I regard as common sense should be seen as so influential.

A few weeks ago, I was at a Customer Service Training Network meeting at Metro Bank head office in London. They are one of my favourite companies because they are doing their best to do away with ‘stupid rules’, and they publicly say so too.

This brought to mind an incident that took place with my bank a few months ago. I was fortunate enough to be asked to speak on customer service issues at a conference in Moscow. It’s quite a laborious process getting a visa to go to Moscow, and the conference organisers couldn’t do it for me, so I had to go through the process myself. As I am self-employed, I had to provide copies of the last three months’ bank statements, and online copies wouldn’t do, they had to be printed off by the bank. I know what you’re thinking, ‘more stupid rules’.

I went to my local bank branch – I’m not going to name the bank but it used to be a building society in Yorkshire, England. I asked the lady on the front desk if it would be possible for me to have the last three months’ bank statements printed off.

‘We’re not allowed to print them off here but we can order them for you’

‘How long will they take to arrive?’ I asked. I was thinking that I had to apply for the Russian visa very soon.

‘Ten to twelve working days’ came the reply. There was no eye contact involved. ‘OK, they’re ordered’.

We were towards the end of March and there were three bank holidays coming up, so I knew that would extend the wait, but I thought I would wait two weeks and see what happened. In the event, nothing happened. I rang the bank’s contact centre.

‘The records show that the statements were sent’, I was told. ‘Would you like us to send them again?’

‘Yes please’ I said, thinking that it would have been easier to go to Scotland, where the contact centre is, and get them myself.

A week later, the statements had still not arrived and I was getting perilously close to my Moscow trip. I was busy with training work and really didn’t have the time to run around after the bank. In the end, I called the contact centre again while I was on a lunch break from a training delivery day in London.

‘Have you tried going to your branch and asking them to print off the statements for you, Mr Frost?’

‘Yes, I tried that at the beginning, but they said they weren’t allowed to do that’

‘Oh, well, they can if it’s an emergency…’

So I went to the Liverpool Street branch of the bank in London and told my story to a very pleasant lady there. She immediately printed off my bank statements. I was in the branch for no more than two minutes. It doesn’t end there. When I arrived home, there were a set of statements that had arrived in the post, with the previous day’s post mark on them.

I thoroughly enjoyed my trip to Moscow and it was a great experience speaking at the conference there, but I wouldn’t recommend you go to Moscow if you are self-employed and bank with my bank!

What stupid rules have you come across that get in the way of satisfying customers?

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